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The Struggle is Real

This is a super long honesty blog. Because I do things all or nothing. 

This year has brought a ton of changes for my family. We had been talking about moving out of our 800 sq ft trailer we were renting for a long time. Basically since the beginning of the three years we had lived there. For the first year, it wasn't too bad. I picked up learning how to make mox in that first year for my oldest, because his feet were too fat and wouldn't fit in shoes of any kind. By the time I starting working with Moxxy full time as a part owner, and working more than 60 hours a week, I started to feel the tightness. It starts as just an itch. The need to get out of the house because you feel like the walls are closing in. Then after I had my youngest, we knew we needed out. So many people, plus a full time business in a small space. It was almost crushing. At the beginning of this year, we added on Haley (my brother in law's finance') full time onto the crew. Her and her daughter were there every single day. That's 5 bodies (when my husband and brother in law weren't there) at the house full time. Days felt like seconds with so much to do and so little time. It was hard to even function. Impossible to stay clean with a full time business and three kids in the house all the time. The bit of anxiety that I had developed after I had my youngest (Malakai) bloomed into a full blown issue. 

By June, my health became a disastrous issue. Not only dealing with an autoimmune disorder, but now a huge raging mess of anxiety on top of it. Getting sick, not sleeping, breaking out in hives for seemingly no reason. The list goes on and on, and it was only getting worse. 

In August, we made the decision as a family and business, that we needed to part ways with Moxxy and go on our own. This would allow for easier growth and opportunity for both of us, while also being able to stay close as sister companies. This to me was such a difficult decision. I had built my product and so many friends there. It was comfortable. It was home. The SAME DAY that we decided to go on our own, my husband came home and let me know that we needed to re-home our dog. It was so hard to even fathom that thought. We had gotten her a few months after we got married. She had been through two homes, two babies, countless trip, and so many  memories. But the place we were looking at moving into wouldn't allow us to bring our dog. We battled with the choice of staying where we were, in a small house that was quite literally overflowing with people and business stuff, or losing a family member and being able to have space and breathing room. We looked for other options, but there really aren't any for a family with a pitbull. He found a home for her a few days later, but at this point I could barely function as a human. My best friend would call me to make sure I was ok, and helped daily (and still does). My family helped as much as they could with the boys. The girls working at my house would make sure that I had eaten that day because I would frequently forget. Needless to say, it was a very hard period. It felt like everything was being upheaved at the same time. 

We decided that we would launch Mox Show Room in September, after pouring all our (Amber had a huge hand in helping build the MSR you see today) time and effort into rebranding and making sure everything would be perfect. And we were moving at the end of August/beginning of September to the new house that we found through a mutual friend. Everything exploded with action. If I wasn't packing or thinking about moving stuff, I was working on logos or tags or websites. My husband worked all his nights and weekends for 6 weeks, to paint and fix up the place we were moving into. So, I had both kids on top of all that. At some point in there, I realized that my oldest needed to go to school. He was bored and becoming overwhelming with the amount of energy that he needed to let out and I couldn't provide that outlet. So, we found a school for him a week or two before we were going to move. 

We moved and launched MSR within the same two weeks, all while still making sure that all the production from Moxxy went out on time, and hammering out all the fine details of the separation of the companies. To say that it was a hard month for us would be an understatement. Adjusting was hard on the boys, on the family, and on everyone. We didn't know how MSR would do. This sudden shift in our lives left me filled with uncertainty. The anxiety around everything was crippling. But everyone says things work out for the best, right? Don't get me wrong, the house is amazing. I'm SO in love with it. Are our lives better? Absolutely! But it was still a mess with everything else going on. 

Since moving, and the start of MSR, our lives have been on the up swing! It is so much easier to function with more room. To be able to have a space just for business and a different one for personal life is much easier. I'm able to switch off work when I'm done for the day and spend time with my family, without the tug of feeling like it HAVE to work every waking moment (I still do some days! Got to make sure everything is getting done!). It's amazing to have a team who are more like a family than a team. Moms who are willing to step in and help on days that we are sick and need time off (we are sick almost constantly with very short healthy breaks now that my oldest is in school), or can help with emails and the business stuff so I can take a rare weekend off to see my best friend without having to worry about it. So many amazing people coming together for a common cause.

I still struggle daily with anxiety and my health. When there's a hiccup or something that needs attention that isn't in my comfort zone, I have a hard time and tend to shut down. I'm not perfect. I know that I am far from perfect. And I know that my struggles don't even touch on other people's. I'm not writing this to compare, or to say how hard I had/have it. I'm writing this to remind myself, and you, that in hard times, you have to remember to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for becoming overwhelmed over the littlest things sometimes. Forgive yourself for being so anxious or having an anxiety attack and can't function. You don't always have to be perfect, strong, and amazing in every way. Let your friends and family help you in times that you can hardly(or can't at all) help yourself. Try to remember what you have to be grateful for. You can do this. You're awesome.


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